Attack of the Teenagers
by Tribloomer
Summary: A day at the mall turns crazy for three friends. They get sucked into the Star Wars universe and chaos ensues. Rating for language and well, oddball humor.
1. A Day at the Mall

Attack of the Teenagers (mostly) by Kiami Sinno (Kaisa and Tian helped come up with a lot of funny things to add in)  
  
Author's note: In case you haven't read our profile, Tribloomer is the pen name that me and my two friends use for fics we write together. The members of Tribloomer are: Kiami Sinno (me!), Kaisa Enara, and Tian Sirki. Also, this is part of a series of fics, so read those when you're done here (please)!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars, (blah, blah, blah) I am also broke (so suing me will only get you a lot of paperwork and wasted time.) However, I do own whatever doesn't look familiar, including the main characters.  
  
Summary: A day at the mall quickly turns into an adventure in the Star Wars universe for three best buds. And they kinda...well, really screw things up. (Ep. II spoilers)  
  
Chapter 1  
  
"Girls, remember that I'll be back to pick you up at 6:30. Behave." This speech that has been repeated by so many parents was being said by a mom with short hair. She was talking to three girls, one of which was her daughter. "Okay, Mom. We already know this." Torie said, her blondish-brown hair moving as she shook her head. "And we'll make sure that Torie doesn't get sugar-high." Another one of the girls said. Her name was Alee and she had thick black hair and dark tan skin. "But if she does, can we push her in front of traffic?" The third girl, named Alicia, asked with way too much glee. It was kinda creepy. Alicia had long brown hair and light skin. The mom laughed. "No. We can't have you do that. Who would do the dishes and clean the house?" Alicia snapped her fingers and muttered, "Darn." Torie glared at her. "Well, have fun, you three." The mom said. She then rolled up the window and drove away, leaving the girls standing on the sidewalk outside a large mall, called Arizona Mills.  
  
Alicia turned to her friends. "What do we do now?" She asked. Alee looked at her watch. "Well, it's 1:30, so we have 5 hours." "And we have a very big mall to look around in." Torie added, jumping with excitement. "What's up with you?" Alicia asked, looking suspiciously at her hyper friend. "This is one of the first times I've been unsupervised in the mall with my friends!" She said, still hyper. "So what?" Alicia said, shrugging. She'd been in places unsupervised many times. Her parents trusted her. This showed that they obviously didn't know their daughter very well. The three girls walked into the noisy, crowded mall.  
  
As they walked down the aisles of the mall, they shopped like crazy. They had been given shopping money from their parents and they had also been saving up their allowance. About three hours later, the girls were carrying a lot of heavy bags. "Let's go to the food court and get something to drink." Alicia suggested. Alee and Torie agreed and they headed to the food court. After they had gotten something to drink, (fruit smoothies) they sat down and tried to think of where to go next. They had circled the mall at least three times, and still had almost two hours left. Alee suggested calling Torie's mom to pick them up early. Torie and Alicia quickly shouted "No!" at the same time. "Well, there's nothing we haven't seen yet in here, so what are we gonna do?" Alee pointed out. "We could go back to the bookstore." Alicia suggested excitedly. Torie again shouted "No!" this time joined by Alee. They were both sick of watching Alicia scanning every inch of the bookstore for books on her Star Wars favorite character, Jango Fett. And when she ran out of books on him, she started looking for books about his "son" Boba Fett. Another thing they were tired of was watching Alicia drooling over every picture of Jango Fett that she could find. And she said she didn't like him. Yeah, right.  
  
But the girls decided to wander around the mall one more time. Finally, Alicia got nature's call. She looked at her friends. "Do you guys know where a bathroom is?" She asked. They shook their heads. Alee said, "There's only one that I can remember, and it's on the other side of the mall." Alicia growled in frustration. "There's got to be another bathroom around here somewhere." They started searching for a ladies room and soon found an open door. After peering through the door, they saw a stairway. They looked at each other. "Let's look down there." Alicia suggested. "Um, Alicia, I don't think there's a bathroom down there. And I think that people aren't supposed to be down there." Alee said cautiously. "Oh, come on. There isn't a sign that says 'Keep out' or anything. Besides, if we're caught down there and somebody asks why we were down there, we could just tell them we're looking for a bathroom." After about seven minutes of begging and pleading on Alicia's part, the three girls decided to go down the stairway. When they got to the end of it, what they saw made them gasp.  
  
It was a Star Wars store. And not just any store. It was full of real looking blasters and lightsabers and a lot of other cool Star Wars stuff. The girls saw no one inside and no one at the check out counter, so they started looking around. There was a sudden scream from Alicia. Alee and Torie quickly turned to see what had made her scream. What they saw made them roll their eyes and walk over to where she was. Alicia had found a section of the store completely dedicated to Jango and Boba Fett. There was everything from books to action figures, and there was one thing that almost made Alicia faint. It was an autograph; A really cool picture of Jango Fett signed by none other than Temuera Morrison, the actor that played Jango in Attack of the Clones. He was an actor that Alicia worshipped. She had attempted to see every movie that he was in, even if it was a small part. One night when Torie had a sleepover, Alicia had brought two movies that Morrison had been in. She had made them watch the movies, and every time he showed up on the screen, she jumped up and down shouting, "That's him! That's him!"  
  
Then, Alee and Torie made the mistake of watching Star Wars Episode II with Alicia. When Jango and Obi-Wan fought on Kamino, she started dancing and singing, "Go Jango, go Jango..." Then, when Jango met his unfortunate demise, she broke down in tears and ran out of the room. A few minutes later, Torie and Alee heard crashing and screaming from Alicia's direction. Most of the words were just nonsense, but one phrase could be heard. "Die, Mace Windu, die!" She repeated it over and over, kicking the wall every time. She had a very sore foot afterwards, of course.  
  
"Is there anything that I can help you girls with?" A voice asked. Alee, Torie, and Alicia (who was still gawking over the autograph) all froze. They saw a man standing behind the checkout counter. None of the girls knew how long he had been watching them, but he was looking at Alicia and trying not to laugh, so they all knew he had seen the whole Alicia-just-saw-Jango- Fett-stuff-so-now-she's-really-hyper thing. Alee looked at the man and asked, "Is this a real store?" The man chuckled and laughed. "Yep. You girls can get any of this stuff, if you have the right kind of money." The girls all raised their eyebrows. "What do mean, 'the right kind of money'?" She asked, bewildered. "Republic credits, of course. You can exchange your money for them, and use them to buy whatever you want." The three girls were still kinda creeped out, but they understood what the man meant. They took all of their money and exchanged it for credits. Once they looked at the prices of the stuff and how many credits they had, they realized that they were basically rich.  
  
After about 20 minutes of running around the store, they were ready to pay for their stuff. Alicia had every thing that a bounty hunter should have, (it was all in a gift pack that said "For the bounty hunter inside you") and everything was just like Jango Fett's. There were blasters, a rifle, a toxic dart rifle (with ammo), thermal detonators, and even knee darts that actually strapped onto your leg. Torie and Alee had the kind of stuff that a Jedi would have, like a utility belt and a lightsaber. Torie's was green with a purple swirl and Alee's was blue with a silver swirl. Even though there were some Jedi that Alicia hated (Mace Windu) she got a lightsaber that was a grayish-blue when activated. Then they found outfits that looked like they were straight out of Star Wars. They all got black pants; Torie got a shirt that was pink, Alee got a shirt that was blue, and Alicia (because she was in mourning for Jango) got a black shirt.  
  
Finally, they paid for all of their stuff. Being the Star Wars fans that they were, they changed into their outfits and put on their utility belts. They all still had credits left, so Alicia asked the man, "Is there any more good stuff that you would recommend?" He looked at them thoughtfully for a moment, and then said, "I have just the thing." He ran into a storage room behind the counter and came back out carrying a thin piece of metal. When the girls saw it up close, Torie yelled, "It's a viewscreen!" The man nodded and said, "It can play any of the Star Wars movies, and they're built right into it so you don't have to buy it separately." "Cool!" Torie, Alicia, and Alee said at the same time. "How much is it?" Torie asked. When he told them what the price was, all three girls quickly counted their credits. Put together, there was just enough for the viewscreen, with a tiny bit left over. Once they paid for it, the man showed them how it worked. He started playing Episode II, at the Geonosis arena, before Jango's beheading. "Oooooh." Alee and Alicia said at the same time, reaching out to touch the screen. As soon as they did, they were sucked into it, leaving Torie standing there. "Hey!" She shouted. "That was cool! I wanna do it!" She touched the screen quickly and was sucked into the viewscreen, just like her friends were. 


	2. Meet Mace Windu and Jango Fett

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars. Why do I keep writing these dumb disclaimers? Oh, yeah, that's right. The voices in my head keep telling me to write them. Wait…I mean…okay, for all further discussion, forget that last little comment. I am proud to say that I have tried to get professional help, but for some reason, the psychiatrists always run away. Why?

The members of Tribloomer will write at least two sequels to this story. They take place in other movies, though. These movies will be…drum roll please…Lord of the Rings and Pirates of the Caribbean! Yeah! Johnny Depp. (sigh) : )

Chapter 2

_SLAM! _Alee and Alicia landed with a loud thump. Alee picked herself up off of the ground and dusted off her clothes. A few seconds later, Torie landed right next to her. Alicia, on the other hand, had landed on a person dressed in a dark brown robe; a Jedi. "Sorry, Mr…" She stopped mid-sentence as she looked up. The person standing in front of her made her heart skip a few beats and her mouth dropped open. His blue and silver armor was reflecting the sunlight, but was dirtied by red dirt in some places. "Jango Fett." She breathed. Then she realized something. She was in the battle of Geonosis and Jango Fett was standing in front of her, so that meant that the Jedi she landed on was… "Die, Mace Windu, die!" Alicia screamed, pounding on his back with her fists. He was trying to get up, and Alicia couldn't let that happen, 'cause if he did, poor Jango wouldn't have a head. As Mace fought to get her off of him, she managed to yell, "Shoot (punch)him (slap) Jango!(kick)" The bounty hunter just stared at her. Finally, Mace managed to get a very angry Alicia off of him. He raised his lightsaber, and Alicia did the only thing that she could do. She gave him a very hard kick in between the legs. This distracted him for a moment (duh), and a moment was all that Jango needed. The girls heard a shot from a blaster, and Mace fell to the ground.

"Whoohoo!" Alicia yelled. She looked over at her friends. They were just staring at her…no, they were staring at Jango. When she looked to see what they were staring at, Alicia found herself looking down the barrel of a blaster. Her eyes widened as she looked at the silver blaster. "Who are you and how do you know my name?" Jango growled. "I…I…we…" Alicia stuttered.

Torie and Alee then realized that Jango was pointing his second blaster at them. "Hey, what are you pointing a blaster at us for? We're not Jedi or anything." Alee said. "Why do you have lightsabers then?" Jango asked. Alicia's eyes flew down to where her lightsaber was hanging on her utility belt. She stared at it with horror. Throwing it down on the ground at Jango's feet, she said, "Here Mr. Fett! Here's my lightsaber. It's another weapon for you! Use it, it's very effective!" Then she started doing the Ewok worship dance thing from Return of the Jedi. "Ah, oh…Ah, oh…" Jango picked up the lightsaber and stared at Alicia, who was still bowing like an idiot.

"Can we please come with you in the Slave I?" Alicia begged. "Don't leave us here with the Jedi! Please!" "And we kinda helped save your life. That Jedi would have killed you if we hadn't shown up." Torie added, not wanting to be caught in the middle of a battle. "No such thing would have happened. I am fully capable of taking care of myself." Jango said with a touch of anger in his voice. "Actually, Mr. Fett," Alicia said softly, "she's right. If we hadn't distracted him, he would have cut off your head." "But I would have just used my…" Jango started, but Alicia interrupted him. "Your jetpack doesn't work. The reek messed it up when it trampled you." "Okay, first off, who the hell are you and why do you know that my jetpack didn't work!"

"Ahh, Zam told us." Torie said in a somewhat small voice. "That bitch!" Jango yelled. "She said she wouldn't tell anyone! And how could the reek have messed up my jetpack? That's why I wear armor there! Unless..you..mean..the..one..on..my..back…"

"Really?" Alicia said blushing. Torie and Alee just slapped their heads to their foreheads. At about this time, the battle was getting very loud and dangerous. "Umm, Mr. Fett? Can I advise that we leave about now, because pretty soon that little Yoda dude will show up with your clones and they'll be fighting for the wrong side and they'll be like shooting like 'whoosh' and 'bang' and everyone will be like dying and screaming and… yeah!" After babbling this very long and run-on sentence, everyone (Jango, Alee, and Torie) was staring at Alicia. "Well, I guess you three haven't shown me any hostilities, so…" Jango paused and looked at Alicia, who had gone back to the worshipping thing. "so I guess you can come with me in Slave I. Besides, Boba could use some company." Alee and Torie exchanged very evil looking glances.

Jango lowered his blasters. "This way. Follow me and don't get distracted. Shoot some Jedi if you have to." He started walking very fast towards an exit. The girls all drew their blasters and followed, shooting at anyone who got in the way. Torie and Alee tried to avoid shooting Jedi, so they shot at the battle droids. Alicia followed Jango's example and tried to shoot the Jedi. Unfortunately, her aim was very bad, so she kept hitting the walls and ground.

Finally, they got out of the arena and got to the landing pad where Slave I was located. Suddenly, someone was shooting at them. Jango started to shoot back, but stopped. "Wait…are those…my clones? Why the hell are they shooting at me? Stop shooting, you morons!" The laser fire stopped immediately. Jango shook his head sadly. "Damn gene alteration. Makes them completely stupid." He motioned for the girls to follow him as the landing ramp to Slave I lowered.

At the top of the ramp, Jango hit his head on the roof with a loud 'thunk'. Alee and Torie looked at each other and burst into laughter. In perfect unison, Jango and Alicia turned to look at them, raised their blasters, and said in very serious voices, "That…was not…funny." Torie and Alee stopped and gulped. As they got into the ship, they headed to the cockpit. Sitting in the co-pilot's seat was none other than Boba Fett. "Dad! Are you okay?" he asked, concerned. "I'm fine, son." Jango answered as he sat in the pilot's seat. "Who are they?" Boba asked suspiciously as he eyed the girls. Alicia rushed forward and grabbed Boba's hand. "Yo, Boba! Wazz up, homey?" she said in a tough voice. Her friends again slapped their hands to their foreheads. "Umm, Dad?" Boba asked his father, looking and sounding very scared. "Don't ask, son, just don't ask." Jango replied as the Slave I lifted off into space.


	3. Hanging with the Fetts

Disclaimer: Oh, boy, here we go again. I don't own star wars. Blah, blah, blah, blah… (Just please, don't steal my friends and me. I really don't know what I would do if I was stolen from me. Wait, is that even physically possible? Did anyone follow that?) Further, I "borrowed" something from another fic called "Star Wars vs. Us" by Vegesa: SSJ Jedi Knight. It's a funny story!

Chapter 3

After leaving the Geonosis atmosphere, the Slave I became almost eerily quiet. Suddenly, Torie burst into laughter for no apparent reason, which very much scared the other four occupants of the ship. "Umm…" Boba stared at Torie with a look that said he was trying to figure out what was wrong with her. Upon seeing this, Alicia (still keeping one eye on her friend) got up from her seat and put her hand on Boba's shoulder. Boba flinched, looking even more frightened. "Don't worry Boba! She's always like this. We still haven't figured out what's wrong with her. Don't even think there's a scientific term for it, actually."

Boba looked as if he were trying to decide whether to laugh or be even more scared. The result was a nervous smile. "Whoohoo!" Alicia shouted. "Did everyone see that? I just succeeded in making Boba Fett, the best bounty hunter…" Jango cleared his throat. "…okay, second best bounty hunter in the universe, smile!" Torie, who had stopped laughing to witness Alicia's little psychotic episode, spoke up. "By the way, Boba, we don't know what's wrong with her, but we're pretty sure it's contagious, so you might not want her to touch you."

Immediately, Boba shoved Alicia's hand off of his shoulder. Then, he jumped out of his seat and ran out into the cockpit. Jango took off his helmet, put it on the now empty co-pilot's seat and turned around. Looking at Alee, he asked, "Are they always like this?" Alee took a moment to consider her answer. Alicia decided to use this moment to sneak over behind Jango in the co-pilot's seat. She caught Alee's eyes, started shaking her head, and mouthing the word "no" over and over again. Suddenly, Jango turned in his seat quickly and grabbed the front of Alicia's shirt. "Sit down!" he yelled. As soon as he let go, Alicia did as he ordered. Jango looked back at Alee. "Well, no. They're not always like this." Alee said, as Jango breathed a sigh of relief. "They can get worse than this." Alee added. She and Torie got up out of their seats as Jango's jaw nearly dropped to the floor, then went out of the cockpit to follow Boba.

This left Jango (still looking very puzzled) with the one person he was actually a little bit afraid of. Deciding to just try to ignore her, he turned to look out into hyperspace. After several minutes of this, he heard a squeaking noise coming from Alicia's direction. Slowly, he turned to see what she was doing. To his surprise, he saw Alicia, holding his helmet and polishing it with her sleeve. "What in the _hell_ do you think you're doing?" he asked. Alicia looked up at Jango with a very blank 'which way did he go George, which way did he go' look on her face. "Polishing your helmet, Mr. Fett. It was covered in red dust." "Give me that!" Jango said loudly, snaching the helmet from her hands. Alicia pouted and gave Jango a very hurt look. "Sorry, Mr. Fett." She said softly. "Would you stop calling me that! Call me 'Fett', 'bounty hunter', or 'Jango'. Anything but 'Mr. Fett'."

Suddenly remembering something she read on in a story "Star Wars vs Us" by Vegesa: SSJ Jedi Knight, she had an idea. "Can I call you Curly?" she asked. Jango looked at her with a blank stare. "Why would you want to call me _that_?" he asked. "Um, 'cause you have curly hair." "Oh." "Okay, Curly." "Don't call me Curly!" "Oh. Okay then, Jango."

Jango rolled his eyes. "Why, of all the beings in the galaxy, am I the person who gets stuck with these three…creatures?" he muttered. "Because Alicia's wildly in love with you!" Torie shouted from the next room. "Wait, how did she hear…did she just say that you're wildly in love with me?" Jango asked Alicia with a face that had emotions ranging from fear to confusion to…everything else you could possibly feel in this awkward situation. Next to him, Alicia turned redder that Darth Maul with a sunburn. "Is what she said true?" Jango asked. "Umm…" Alicia blushed even more (if possible) and smiled at Jango.

"Ahh, quick, get her away from me! Now I have heard more than I needed to know! EVER!" Jango yelled, running out of the cockpit.

Meanwhile, Torie, Alee, and Boba where listening in on this conversation using a trick that Boba showed them, allowing them to tap into the communications thingy to the cockpit. Several minutes later, Jango came barreling into the room, holding his hands to his head, nearly pulling out his hair. Seeing the three children staring at him, he froze mid-pull. "Help me get rid of her, please!" he begged Alee and Torie. Seconds later, they heard footsteps coming from the cockpit to their direction.

Jango again went into panic mode, pulling on his hair, except this time, clumps of it actually came out. "Umm…Mr…I mean, Jango, where are you?" Alicia called. When she came into the room, the other children saw that she was still blushing, although not as brightly. Once she saw Jango and his hair-pulling episode, her smile turned into a frown. "No, Jango, stop. You have such pretty hair, don't pull it out!" Jango said a very long list of curse words at her. "How wude." Alicia said in her Jar-Jar voice. "You should learn some manners, Jango. Saying things like that around your son. Tsk, tsk." "Actually," Boba said, "he's done worse. This one time, he came back from a bounty hunting trip with Zam and they didn't realize that I was in the bedroom until they had already…" "Enough!" Jango screamed at Boba.

It was at this moment that the girls realized that Jango was actually blushing. With Jango's tanned complexion, you would think that it would be hard to tell, but it wasn't. His cheeks were redder than Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer's nose on a very foggy Christmas Eve. "Umm, Jango?" Alicia said softly, "you're kinda sorta…blushing."

Finally, poor Jango lost it. He walked over to Alicia, picked her up (no easy task, mind you) and threw her into a prisoner cell behind her. Slamming the door shut, he breathed another sigh of relief, but like his previous one, this one was not long lived. Alee and Torie immediately started yelling at Jango at the same time. Only bits of it were heard. "Hey, you can't do that!" "What the freakin' freak freak is wrong with you!" It was almost like watching an episode of "The Osbournes". As Jango turned to walk away, one statement from Torie could be heard. "Jaster Mereel was a son-of-a-bantha-manwhore!"

For those of you who don't know, Jaster Mereel was the man who raised Jango after his parents were killed and Jango's mentor in the Mandalorian Army, so to put things simply, Jango was pissed. Not 'someone just stepped on my foot so now I'm angry' pissed, he was 'I'm going to kill someone right freakin' now, and I don't care who he or she is' pissed. In one smooth motion, he picked up both of the girls and threw them into other prisoner cells.

The ship was filled with silence as Jango and Boba walked back into the cockpit. On their way, though, Jango stopped, opened a little box in the wall, and pulled out a tiny remote control looking device. He looked back at the girls, glared, and went into the cockpit. After he was gone, Alicia went into hysterics.

"What the funk is wrong with you, Torie! Jaster Mereel was cool! And not to mention that having a bounty hunter pissed off at you is NOT a good thing! I mean, come on, he kills things for a living!" Alicia screamed. "Good point." Torie said. "But Alicia, he threw you into a prisoner cell." Alee added. "We were just sticking up for you." "Hey Alee, you never know, maybe Alicia liked it." Torie giggled. "Why you little…" Alicia growled. She grabbed the bars in front of her, then yelped and let go quickly. Her friends stared at her.

"Alicia, is their something wrong with you? Besides the obvious, I mean." Alee asked suspiciously. Alicia just pointed shakily at the bars. "Hey, I wanna find out what's wrong with her!" Torie said excitedly from her cell. She then grabbed the bars on her cage. Like Alicia, she made a noise, except louder, and backed against a wall. Out of curiosity, Alee decided to grab the bars on her cage. "Ahh! That freakin' hurt!" Alee shouted, throwing herself to the back of her cage.

The girls all looked at each other. "Did you feel what I felt?" They all asked at the same time. "I don't know!" They replied in unison. "Okay, I got an idea!" Torie said. "Uh-oh." Alicia and Alee breathed at the same time. Torie rolled her eyes and continued. "I think that we should all grab the bars at the same time, that way we know if everyone felt the same thing." Her friends shrugged. "Well, it's worth a try." Said Alicia unenthusiastically. "Okay, on the count of three," Alee said, "one, two,…" "Three!" All three girls finished, grabbing the bars.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Alicia, Alee, and Torie screamed as loud as they could. Panting, they slid to the floor and collapsed. Suddenly, a strange sound could be heard from the cockpit. "Hahahaha! Bwahahahaha!" It was a very evil and sinister sounding laugh. And it was coming from… "Curly!" Alicia realized. "Why is that freakazoid laughing at us?" Torie muttered angrily. "He's trying to electrocute us through the bars!" Alee screamed. "Well, Torie deserves it. Deserves worse, actually." Alicia said confidently. Again, Jango's voice could be heard from the cockpit. "No one calls Jaster Mereel a 'son-of-a-bantha-manwhore' and gets away from it alive! Bwhahahaha!"

Note: Whoa Nelly! It looks as if our heroines (sort of) are in a bit of a predicament, huh? Okay, if ya haven't noticed, these are based on me and my two friends, and unfortunately, this is how we act in real life. Thank goodness you don't go to school with us, huh? Um, yeah, the little Jango and Zam pairing thing (shudder) was mostly the idea of Torie, but I put it in cause it was kinda (okay, very) funny. I don't mean to insult you Jango Fett fans as I am one myself. Please, oh please, don't put a bounty on my head! Just thought I should add that in so I don't get burned at the stake by Fett fans. 


	4. Getting Out of a Predicament

Disclaimer: Okay, I you guys don't mind, I'm gonna stop writing these disclaimers. Everybody knows that I'm not George Lucas, and that I don't own Star Wars. Good. Now that's over with, we can see how these girls get out of their little predicament. (or do they? Snicker, snicker.)

Chapter 4

About three uneventful hours later, the three girls were unfortunately still locked within the prisoner cages of Slave I. They had tried everything to get out, but Jango Fett would just ignore them. They had tried whining, begging, pleading, and even bribing Jango, but none of it worked. "Psst…Alicia, are you dead yet?" Torie hissed after several minutes of silence. "No, I don't think so. I was hoping you might be, though." Alicia muttered in reply. She had been almost asleep before Torie woke her up. "Hey, what's that supposed to mean?" Torie asked defiantly. "It means you're the reason that we're stuck in here because you were the one who called Jaster Mereel a 'son-of-a-bantha-manwhore'…" Alicia replied coldly. "Okay, guys, let's not start that argument again for the billionth time." Alee interrupted. "Hey, it's only the 26th time!" Torie said, looking hurt. "Oh, yeah, Torie. Big difference. Besides, that isn't the point. My point is…shut up!" Alee was looking very annoyed.

"Alright, so, how do we get out of here?" Alicia mumbled, changing the subject. "We've already tried everything we could think of. All we get is electrocution and a kinda freaky laugh from sir crazy clown bounty hunter, a.k.a. Jango Fett, up there." Torie nodded her head towards the cockpit. "Hey,…" Alicia began to growl, but stopped suddenly. Her two friends could almost see the light bulb glow over her head. "I just got an idea of how to get us out of here." She said slowly.

"What?" "What did you come up with, Alicia?" Alee and Torie asked eagerly. "Unless…" "…you mean…" "…what we think…" "…you mean…" Looks of glee appeared on their faces. All three girls caught each other's eyes, and nodded evilly.

Minutes later, after planning out their strategy, they were ready. "Okay, then," Alicia said, "one…" "…two…" Alee added. "…three!" Torie finished. "I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES! I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES AND THIS IS HOW IT GOES…I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON…" Alee, Torie, and Alicia sang loudly. They kept singing, and singing, and singing…

Thirty minutes and many repetitions of the song later, another odd noise came from the cockpit. It was… "Curly!" Alicia exclaimed. "Except this time, he's not laughing." Torie pointed out. Alee then realized something. "You know guys, it sounds like he's…" "Crying!" All three finished at the same time.

And sure enough, a distinct sobbing sound could be heard from the cockpit. The girls heard running footsteps coming towards them. Jango came into the room, crying hysterically, his hands pulling out his hair again. There were many completely bald spots on his head. Alicia started to say something, but Torie and Alee silenced her with a glare.

"I can't take it anymore!" Jango sobbed. "You're driving me insane! You're even worse than Zam! She drove me insane, but at least she was good in bed!" Alicia made a growl strangely reminiscent of a very pissed off tiger. "But you three girls, on the other hand, have nothing good to offer!" This time it was Alee and Torie's turn to growl. "Well, you know, Jango, if you're looking for romantic company, I'm sure Alicia would help you in the…" Torie's voice dropped to a loud whisper, "_sexual category_."

Jango screamed again, a rather girlish scream. Alee and Torie snickered. Jango and Alicia, on the other hand, turned bright red again. "If I let you three out, will you stop singing that awful song and driving me insane?" Jango pleaded, sounding desperate. All three of the girls snickered under their breaths. "But of course, Jango." They all said innocently.

After Jango released them from the prisoner cells, he went to the cockpit. They started to follow him, but were blocked by Boba Fett. "Er, hiya Boba!" Alicia said, waving. Alee and Torie slapped their hands to their foreheads. "Why do you keep doing that?" Boba asked the two curiously. "Is that a greeting where you come from?" "Um…yeah!" Torie said, grinning. Alee started to say "no" but Torie elbowed her in the stomach. "Isn't that a greeting, Alee and Alicia?" Torie said determinately through her teeth. Alee, still in a bit of pain, nodded, and Alicia, who didn't want Torie to hit her, also agreed. "Well then," Boba said, "here goes." He looked at the girls and slapped his hand to his forehead, rather harder than he should have. "Oww!" Boba said, rubbing his forehead. All three girls gave a little laugh. "Er, that was very…good, Boba." Alicia said, trying very hard not to laugh.

"Well, I wanted to ask you some stuff. First off, I don't know your names, even though you seem to know mine." They introduced themselves to Boba. "Okay, second, I wanted to ask…Alicia, is it?" He looked at Alicia to make sure he had gotten her name right. She nodded, and Boba continued in a loud whisper. "Odd name. Do you really want to have you-know-what with my dad?" "What, sex?" Alicia asked, turning red again. Boba flinched at the word, then nodded. "I'm sorry, Boba. That's privileged information. I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you." Alicia replied, not daring to look him in the eye.

"Oh. 'Cause I think you're not his type." Boba said softly, looking around to make sure his father wasn't near. "Oh, no shit, Sherlock," Alicia said sarcastically, "What gave you that idea, the fact that he tried to electrocute me?" "Um, no, that's not it. Do you remember what I said about him and Zam and how they didn't realize that I was in the room?" Alicia growled angrily in reply. Boba, ignoring her, continued. "Well, he didn't want me to keep telling the story because of what he had Zam transform into. You know that Zam's a changeling, right?" he looked at the girls, who were all eager for him to continue telling the story. "Well,…let's move over here." He walked to the side of the ship farthest away from the cockpit. "He had Zam transform…into a…_man_."

Alicia shrieked loudly; several words came out of her mouth that she definitely would not say around her parents. Alee and Torie collapsed onto the floor, laughing so hard that they weren't even breathing and were turning blue. "What? That's not funny." Said Boba loudly. "Because of that, I know far more than I ever wanted to know about certain holes on certain body parts and what to put in them! I've been scarred for life!" Torie and Alee roared even louder with laughter. Boba just shook his head sadly, and turned to Alicia, who had a very far away look in her eyes. Her friends knew that she was mentally creating an image of the event that Boba had described. A grimace appeared on her face as she saw a very disturbing image in her head (that I will luckily not explain, that'd make the story NC-17) and she retched, almost throwing up.

The children were suddenly distracted by the slight fact that the ship had just turned upside down, and they landed hard on what used to be the ceiling. "Hang on!" Jango shouted from the cockpit. "Oh, nice. _Now_ he tells us." Torie muttered angrily. "Yeah, it's not like I didn't want my ass to break my fall." Alee agreed, a look of pain on her face. The ship turned again, so that it was now right side up. Taking full advantage of this opportunity, they ran quickly to the cockpit, jumped into seats (Alicia managed to get to the co-pilot's before Boba) , and strapped themselves in tightly.

"What's going on, Dad?" Boba asked eagerly. Jango looked at his radar screen. "Those damn Jedi." He muttered under his breath. Alicia looked at the screen as her friends (and Boba) looked over Jango's shoulder to do the same. "Oh my God!" Alicia screamed, losing all shred of self-control she had. "It's Jedi starfighters! Three of them! We're all gonna freakin' diiiiiiiiiiiiiie!" Her last word came out in a shriek as they spun wildly to avoid getting hit by the laser blasts the starfighters were shooting at them. "Don't worry, young lady." Jango said, a very smug smile on his face. "They won't hit us. I'm the best pilot in the galaxy…no, the universe!" He laughed evilly again, and Torie and Alee exchanged meaningful looks.

The smile on Jango's face, however, disappeared as the ship suddenly rocked violently. A laser bolt had hit them. Warning lights lit up on the control panel and several loud alarms went off, ringing throughout the ship. "Oh, yeah, some great frickin' pilot you are!" Torie yelled angrily. Alicia didn't object to the insult, which made her friends slightly suspicious. When they looked at Alicia, their questions were answered. Her mouth was shut tightly, and her face took on a slightly green color. Tears were coming out of her tightly shut eyes.

"Alicia, are you okay?" Alee asked, feeling slightly worried for her friend. Alicia just shook her head. When she opened up her mouth, a very childish wail came out. "I wanna go home and I wanna watch movies and I wanna play video games and…I want my teddy bear!" She whined, sobbing slightly. Her friends weren't sure if they should laugh at their friend or comfort her. Deciding on the latter, Alee put her hand on Alicia's shoulder. "Now, now, Alicia. I'm sure everything's gonna be f…" She didn't get the chance to say her last comforting word, because Jango swore loudly.

"Oh, shootskies! He can't cuss like that!" Torie shouted "If he cusses like that, it means we're in some serious sh…" Like her friend, Torie was unable to finish her sentence, because at that very moment, another laser bolt struck the ship. Alicia wailed again, then started to bite her nails nervously.

Just then, they heard a computerized voice interrupted the loud warning alarms. "Losing power." It said. "Unreachable gas leak and fire in the control room. This ship will self-destruct in…five minutes." All five occupants of the ship looked at each other and spoke in perfect unison:

"Oh, shit."

To be continued next chapter, eh? Read and review, please no flames. I have low self-esteem issues as is, don't damage me more.


	5. Oh, Crap! We're all gonna die!

**Disclaimer**: All right, I know that I said I would stop writing these, but they're so fun to be crazy in! I do not own Star Wars or any characters from Star Wars (although can you imagine how happy I would be if I owned Jango Fett? I would sure have some fun then!) Author stares off into space, starts drooling happily, and then is smacked in the face by Alicia, Alee, and Torie, as they want to continue with their story.

**Chapter 5**

The ship was suddenly full of panic. Even Boba and Jango, who up until now were rather calm, freaked out. Jango went back to pulling out his hair, Alicia still wanted her teddy bear, Alee was closing her eyes, tapping her heels, and saying "There's no place like home", Torie was running around like a chicken with its head cut off, and Boba kept screaming a very high pitched scream (a la Sarlacc fall in RotJ).

"Alright, everyone, calm down." Alicia said after several moments of this chaotic panic. She had realized that she was in her element; the only leader of the group was busy making himself bald, and they were all about to die. In comes Alicia the Hero.

"Quick, somebody! We need to find the gas leak and fire and put them out!" She shouted. Everyone stopped their panic attacks and stared at Alicia like she was nuts. Then, they went back to their screaming. Alicia rolled her eyes and muttered "Oh, good grief." Now Alicia wasn't the type to give up easily, so she decided to try and get everyone calm again. She stood on her chair and whistled as loud as she could. Or, she tried to anyway. No noise came out. "Okay, step two." She thought. Taking a deep breath, she held it for a moment and…

"Aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh(take a breath) hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

Once this had shut everyone up, (something that happened very quickly) Alicia made a speech. "Listen, I did not come this far and kick Windu between the legs just so Jango could kill him and not be killed himself to have him die when I can do something about it!"

Her friends stared at her for several moments, then jumped up from their seats. "Yeah!" "We're going to help too!" they shouted. Leaving the Fetts to their panicking, they went to fix the ship.

After looking around for the repair room for what seemed like ages, they found it. Or rather, it found them. As they were walking along, a door in the floor exploded upwards, followed by a jet of flame.

"Well," Alicia said, "I think we found the fire." Her friends gave her a "no duh" look and rolled their eyes. Ignoring them, Alicia pointed out a problem. "What the freak are we going to put this out with?"

As none of them had fire extinguishers in their back pockets, no one had a suggestion. While they were racking their brains for a solution, Jango and Boba joined them. A look of shock crossed Jango's face as he saw the fire. "Why the hell haven't you put out the fire yet?" he demanded.

"What do you want us to do, Jango," Alee replied, "spit on it to put it out?" Jango shook his head sadly and grabbed a small canister from one of the shelves. "You might want to stand back," Boba warned. The girls didn't need telling twice. After taking a few steps back, Jango threw the canister into the fiery room.

Another jet of flame flew into the air, soon followed by one of steam. Once the steam had cleared, everyone looked into the repair room. The insides were charred black, but the fire had been extinguished. The voice of the computer was again heard. "Gas leak has been located and repaired. Imminent danger erased."

Jango looked very smug. "Well," he said, "good thing we didn't panic." He then walked off to the cockpit. On the back of his head, the girls saw very large amounts of hair missing and several bald spots. "I really don't know how much more of this I can take," Torie admitted. Alee and Alicia nodded their agreement.

Heading off to the cockpit, the girls heard Jango talking in hushed tones to Boba. "Now I hope you can handle those three while I'm on-planet. Just in case they get out of hand, you know where the spare blasters are, right?" he asked quietly. The girls stopped just outside of the doorway to eavesdrop. "Of course I do, Dad. They're in the box above the medical supplies," Boba replied. "And the password?" Jango pressed. "I know, I know. It's 'Zam'." Boba said. The girls shot dark mischievous looks at each other. They entered the cockpit loudly. Jango and Boba stopped talking at once.

Settling themselves down in seats, Alicia asked, "So, where are we going now?" "We're going to a planet called Tatooine to get some things to fix the repair room." Jango answered. "Tatooine!" The three exclaimed. "Yes. And before you get your hopes up," Jango said, making the looks of glee on the girls' faces disappear, "you are all staying on the ship with Boba." Alicia opened her mouth to protest, but closed it upon seeing the looks on her friends' faces. "Okay," she said with a smile, "that's perfectly fine with me."

Boba shuddered in his chair and cowered in fear.

Author's note: Muhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! I wonder what our beloved trio of crazy teens have in store for little Boba. Guess you'll just have to read the next chapter, although first you must review! (Pretty please!)


	6. A Game with Boba

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars, blah, blah, blah. Mind that there is another disclaimer at the end of the chapter for a certain other movie mentioned in the chapter.  
  
Chapter 6  
  
Slave I landed just outside of Mos Eisley just as the twin suns were setting, and Jango prepared to leave.  
  
Before leaving, he turned to look at the girls and Boba. "Now, you three girls behave." Alee, Torie, and Alicia smiled innocently. "And Boba, remember what I said earlier." Boba nodded.  
  
And Jango left, not knowing the hell his son was soon going to endure.  
  
"So, Boba," Alicia said, "wanna play a game?" Boba looked wary, but nodded. "What kind of game?" he asked. "One from our homeworld," Alee replied. "Is it fun?" Boba asked. "Oh, it's tons of fun!" Alicia said. "But, we have to go down to the hold of the ship to play."  
  
So the four children went down to the hold and stood facing the three prisoner cages. "Alright, here's how we play," Alicia began. "This game's called 'musical cages'." "What you do," Alee continued, "is when you get the cue, we all run into a cage and close the door, one person to a cage." "And because there are four of us, one person will be left. That person's out of the game," Torie explained. "Then we only use two cages, then one, and the person left is the winner!"  
  
"Right," Boba said, nodding his head. "Any questions?" Alicia asked. Boba shook his head. "Okay. Three, two, GO!" The three girls shouted. All of them moved quickly towards the cages a couple of steps, but stopped when Boba entered his and closed the door. They all ran to his cage and locked him in.  
  
"Hey!" Boba protested. Alicia just smiled. "You're just too gullible, Boba. We're just trying to teach you a lesson. And really, what kind of bounty hunter trusts everyone? I'll tell you, a dead one." While she was explaining this, Torie and Alee went off somewhere in the ship and came back with three of the spare blasters that Jango was so kind to inform them of.  
  
"Alicia!" Torie said. "You wouldn't believe the other things we saw in that locker that the blasters were in! There were pictures of Jango." "And in various positions, too," Alee added. Alicia acted as if she were not interested in the slightest, but finally gave in, leaving the room.  
  
"Finally!" Torie said. "No kidding! I was starting to think that she wasn't really interested in those pictures," Alee said. They started rolling up their sleeves. Alee went over to the door to the cargo hold and locked it.  
  
Boba looked terrified. "What are you going to do?" he asked. Torie and Alee just laughed evilly. Torie held up the remote that Jango had used on the girl's cages earlier. Before Boba could let go of the bars, Torie pushed a button, making Boba scream like a girl.  
  
After picking themselves off of the floor (they had gone into hysterics at Boba's scream), Alee grabbed a piece of rope and tied his hands to the bars. "Now, Boba, we're going to play another game. We're going to ask you a question, and if you answer wrong, you get shocked. First question: What soft drink did Madonna sponsor, Coke or Pepsi?" Boba looked completely confused. "Um, Coke?" he guessed. Then, he screamed as Alee had pushed the button to shock him.  
  
"Oh, I got one!" Torie yelled, grabbing the remote from Alee. "Who's the sesiest hobbit ever?" "What? I don't even know what a hobbit is!" Boba yelled. "Wrong answer!" Torie answered, and then pushed the button. Boba screamed again.  
  
By this time, Alicia was aware that her friends were torturing her number two favorite Star Wars character. After stuffing the interesting Jango pictures in her pocket, she ran down to the cargo hold. Once she realized that it was locked, she guessed the password ("Zam is the sexiest man ever!") and the door opened.  
  
Alicia saw her friends electrocuting Boba after asking him ridiculous questions. She started to protest, but then had an absolutely evil and terrible idea. "Hey, I got a question!" she shouted, grabbing the remote from Torie. "Boba, repeat this question back to me: What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?" "Oh, boy," Alee and Torie muttered. Boba still looked confused, but repeated the question. "An African swallow or a European swallow?" Alicia countered. "What? I don't know that!" Boba yelled, perfectly quoting a famous line in Monty Python and the Holy Grail, a movie that he couldn't have ever seen. Alicia then pressed the shock button, zapping Boba.  
  
This last shock was all that it took for Boba to pass out. Alicia looked over at her friends, whom were all staring at her strangely. "Well, let's get going, shall we?" Alicia proposed.  
  
Alee, Alicia, and Torie then left the Slave I, with poor little Boba still unconscious in his cell.  
  
Disclaimer #2: I don't own Monty Python and the Holy Grail, but I do love and enjoy it. I just couldn't resist adding it in! I also don't own the little game played on Boba by Alee and Torie. One of my local radio stations (93.7 KRQQ) came up with it, except that it was played using an intern and a dog shock collar. Interesting, huh? 


	7. Adventures in Mos Eisley

Disclaimer: No, I do not own Star Wars. And no, I don't own my friends, although that would be pretty cool. Yo, Torie, get me a soda! (Ducks as soda can comes flying at head) Oh, well, I got a soda anyway! Ha, ha, ha,...Ahhhhh! (Soda can was obviously shaken up, and author is covered in Cherry Coke flavored foam) Oh, screw it! Just read the chapter and review (be kind, please!).  
  
Chapter 7  
  
The three girls were walking down the Tatooine dirt streets in complete silence. Suddenly, Torie, for no reason at all, started laughing hysterically. If you remember, she did this at the beginning of this story. Weird, huh?  
  
"Why do you do that, Torie?" Alicia wondered out loud.  
  
Torie stopped laughing, looking puzzled. "Why do I do what?"  
  
"Do that whole 'laugh for no reason at all' thing." Alicia clarified.  
  
"Well, you see, when it gets quiet, it reminds me of a cricket chirp which reminds me of that cricket bouncing off of that one author's head and that reminds me of the time that you and I were at my house and that reminds me of the Muppet Show songs and that reminds me of..." Torie was stopped by Alicia, who had placed her hand over Torie's mouth to shut up her rambling.  
  
"Sorry I asked," Alicia muttered, then started jumping up and down, wiping her hand on her pants.  
  
"Um, Alicia, what..." Alee asked, bewildered.  
  
"She licked me! She stuck out her tongue and licked my hand! Eww, ew, ew, ew..." Alicia shouted. Then she saw that several Tatooine people were staring at her, pointing.  
  
"What the hell are you looking at?" Alicia screamed at them.  
  
"It looks as if she's had a few too many at the Cantina," one person said to his neighbor, pointing at a building down the road.  
  
"Oooh!" Torie screamed. "Booze!" She started off in a run to the Cantina.  
  
Alee and Alicia both muttered "Oh, no", and set off after her.  
  
When they got to the door, they heard the sound of music. (Not "the hills are alive with the sound of music", just music. Yeah, that's it.)  
  
Alicia and Alee entered and saw Torie at the bar, rubbing her hands together eagerly. Alee and Alicia shook their heads sadly, and then sat down on either side of her.  
  
The bartender turned to look at the three and raised his eyebrows. Torie wasted no time, pointing at other people's drinks. "I want one of those, one of those, one of those, and, ooh, two of that neon green stuff that looks radioactive!"  
  
"No way, kid," the bartender said. "You're way too young to drink. I don't serve minors here. I'd get my license taken away." And he walked off.  
  
Torie's mouth was wide open in disbelief. "What the freakin' freak freak?" she muttered. "Well, well, fine then! We'll just get drunk off of the alcohol fumes, then!" she shouted at the bartender, then started taking deep breaths around people's drinks.  
  
Alicia started to point out that you couldn't scientifically do that, but a look from Torie silenced her. Alee and Alicia shrugged their shoulders and joined Torie in trying to get drunk off of fumes.  
  
Now, as already stated, Alicia was sure that it was scientifically impossible to get drunk off of air, but after three hours of acting like a fish out of water, gulping in air, she started to believe that she had been sadly mistaken.  
  
She thought that because the trio of teenager girls was all off in a corner booth, laughing hysterically. Why? They were telling extremely bad jokes.  
  
"Ooh, I got one!" Alicia said loudly. "What did the fish say when he ran into a concrete wall?"  
  
Alee and Torie looked at her blankly.  
  
"Dam!" Alicia finished.  
  
The three burst into laughter again.  
  
"I got one!" Alee yelled. "Okay, an Irishman walked out of the pub!"  
  
Torie really didn't get it, and Alicia wasn't laughing. "Hey, that's not funny, you know! I'm Irish!"  
  
Just then, Torie started laughing. "I get it! Oh, shut up, Alicia, it's funny!"  
  
Both Torie and Alee collapsed on the floor laughing. Alicia, who was getting annoyed by this attack on her heritage, did the only thing that she could think of. She grabbed a glass filled with a bright blue substance off of a nearby table, and instead of gulping it down, as she would have done in a normal situation, threw it at her friends.  
  
But, alas, her aim was far off, and it hit some poor alien two tables over in the back of the head.  
  
He stood up on his chair and threw his glass at Alicia, who ducked, causing the glass to hit some other alien.  
  
The bar brawl was on.  
  
After about half an hour of drink throwing, alien screaming, and table crashing, our three main characters found themselves hiding under a table in one of the corners of the Cantina.  
  
Thinking that they were out of danger, they all breathed sighs of relief.  
  
However, they were not out of danger. In fact, they were far from it. This was apparent after a large man kicked over the table that they were hiding under.  
  
It was the bartender.  
  
"Oh, sh..." the three started to mutter, but were cut off by the bartender. He was shaking with rage and very red in the face.  
  
"You...three..." he stammered. "You ruined...my...Cantina! I'm gonna..."  
  
What exactly he was going to do remained unknown to the girls, as at that moment, someone smashed a bottle onto his head. He fell to the floor, unconsious.  
  
"I'd say it's time to go, wouldn't you, guys?" Alicia suggested.  
  
Torie and Alee nodded their approval, and the three left the Cantina.  
  
Author's note: Just in case you were wondering, this is how my friends and I really act. Kinda scary, huh? Oh, and also, I speak for myself, Kaisa, and Tian when I say that we don't encourage real life underage drinking. That's what fics are for! 


	8. Continuing the Tatooine Adventure

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars. His Majesty, George Lucas, does. Lucky son of a gun. Although, you think that he could hurry up with Episode III, don't you? We don't even know the title yet! Hurry it up, George! I'm quickly losing my interest in Star Wars. That's why I'm writing this totally insane random fic!  
  
Ahem, ranting and raving over. You may read Chapter 8 now (review please).  
  
Chapter 8  
  
As they were walking down the street, Alicia said, "Hey, guys, wanna hear a joke?"  
  
The other two girls shrugged as if to say, "Go ahead."  
  
"Okay, here goes. Torie walked out of the bar," Alicia said, laughing.  
  
Alee started laughing. Torie didn't think it was that funny, and almost started another bar fight, minus the bar, of course.  
  
However, she stopped, and while looking at something the ground, her eyes grew to about the size of dinner plates (a very funny mental image, mind you).  
  
Torie bent down to pick something up off of the ground, sniffed it, and then popped it into her mouth.  
  
"Candy!" she yelled.  
  
Alee and Alicia looked, and sure enough, there was a long trail of candy on the ground to which they couldn't see the end.  
  
Torie was already on all fours, scarfing down all the candy she could along the way.  
  
Never ones to pass up a free sugar buzz, Alee and Alicia followed suit, getting on all fours and going along next to Torie, eating the long line of candy.  
  
What the three did not see was that the trail of candy, purposely set down be someone we will reveal later, led, um, somewhere.  
  
Almost an hour later, the three girls found themselves at the end of the candy trail. They also found themselves in someone's basement.  
  
Looking around, Alicia asked, "Hey, doesn't this place look familiar?"  
  
SLAM! Right after she said this, a cage came down from the ceiling, trapping all three girls. I had been (gasp) a trap all along! (Bet none of you expected that!)  
  
Suddenly, a very, (Erm, what's a polite way to say this?) "I'm a man who feels pretty, oh so pretty" laugh was heard. The sad thing is that he was trying to sound evil.  
  
And was failing. Miserably.  
  
"You know, I get the weirdest feeling that I've heard that voice before," Alee muttered to her friends.  
  
Then, the mysterious laugher stepped into the light.  
  
"Ahh! Owen Lars!" Alee and Alicia screamed when they saw him.  
  
Owen stopped laughing and stared at the girls. "How do you know my name?" he asked. "Oh, yes, I must have a reputation among the young female population."  
  
He started flexing his rather pathetic looking muscles.  
  
Torie then spoke up. "Oh! I know where we've seen this place before! This is the basement of that Owen Lars guy!"  
  
Alicia and Alee just slapped their hands to their foreheads.  
  
However, they were distracted by the fact that Owen had started stripping.  
  
"Oh, man. I cannot believe we actually fell for the candy from the pervert thing," Alee said under her breath.  
  
"Come on, ladies," Owen said, "start stripping! It's fun!"  
  
Torie and Alee grimaced and nearly threw up. Alicia looked up at Owen, nose wrinkled, and said, "Um, hell no."  
  
"I'll give you candy," Owen said, holding up a handful of the little candies that had gotten them there.  
  
Torie suddenly forgot how repulsed she was and started taking off her belt.  
  
"Torie!" Alee and Alicia screamed, smacking her on the head.  
  
"What?" Torie yelled, rubbing her head.  
  
"Torie, you almost took your clothes off for a psychopathic pedophile!" Alicia replied, while Alee gave a cough that sounded slightly like "Michael Jackson!"  
  
Torie thought for a moment, then grimaced. "Eww! You're right! Thanks, guys."  
  
"No problem," Alee said. When she looked over at Owen, she saw that he was in his boxers. Then, she started screaming.  
  
"Help! Help! Holy crap, he's gonna be naked! HELP!" Then Alicia and Torie joined in. "HELP! SOMEBODY SAVE US! HELP!"  
  
Owen laughed his "I'm trying to sound evil but sounding really stupid in the process" laugh. "We're miles away from all other civilization! No one can save you know! Muhahaha! MUHAHAHAHA!"  
  
"Is that so?" a very familiar man's voice said.  
  
Owen shrieked, tried to cover himself with his hands, and promptly passed out.  
  
"Curly!" Alicia yelled.  
  
And sure enough, Jango Fett stepped out of the shadows. He looked down at Owen, who was twitching on the floor, unconscious. "Sick, sick man," Jango muttered.  
  
Alee and Torie were about to point out that the whole "Zam, will you turn into a man so I can have a different kind of lovin' going on" thing was sick too, but as Jango had just saved all of their precious virgin eyes, decided not to.  
  
Jango pushed a button on the nearby control panel and the cage went back into the ceiling.  
  
"My hero!" Alicia yelled, jumping on Jango, tackling him to the floor.  
  
Torie and Alee expected for Jango to start screaming "Get her off of me!" but he didn't. In fact, he looked as if he were truly enjoying himself.  
  
Alicia also noticed this. "Um, Mr. Fett, er, sorry, Jango? Are you sure it's alright for me to do this?"  
  
"Sure. Why not?" Jango replied, causing Alicia's eyes to widen with glee. "In fact, now that I've known you for a while, you kind of remind me of Zam."  
  
Everything about Jango's answer would have been fine to Alicia, except for that last word.  
  
"I remind you of WHO?" Alicia screamed.  
  
"Zam," Jango repeated.  
  
"Why you...you..." Alicia couldn't seem to find words to express her rage.  
  
Jango obviously didn't notice, as he started walking out the door.  
  
The three girls moved to follow, but not before giving Owen some punishment.  
  
Torie kicked him in the head, then bent down and took all of the candy out of his discarded clothes.  
  
Alicia, who was still furious at Jango, kicked Owen twice in the crotch, muttering curses under her breath.  
  
Alee rolled him over onto his back, kicked him a few times, and then started jumping up and down on his back.  
  
"Alee, um, what the hell are you doing?" Alicia asked.  
  
"Yeah, I think we got him back for the whole stripping thing," Torie said.  
  
"Not yet, just a few more jumps..." Alee breathed. CRACK! The sound of ribs breaking filled the room.  
  
Alee stepped off of him, smiling. "Now, we got him back," she said.  
  
Author's note: From here on out, the things that happen are the work of Kaisa and myself, mostly. We spent over two hours on the phone coming up with all of this. I do sincerely apologize to whoever got that phone bill. 


	9. A Visit to Palo's Parts

Disclaimer: I don't own the Quickie Mart or the super squishy! I also don't own Star Wars. In fact, I don't really own anything of real importance. Well, that just sucks! I need to get something of importance. I wonder if you can buy Orlando Bloom on Ebay. That would be something important to own, wouldn't it? Oh, well, if they don't have Orlando Bloom, maybe they have Ewan McGregor or Viggo Mortenson. They're important, too.  
  
Okay, just ignore my above rant. I'm kinda crazy, as I'm sure you could tell much earlier in this story.  
  
Chapter 9  
  
The bounty hunter and the three girls, an interesting group to say the least, started heading back to the Slave I.  
  
Alicia would glare at Jango every few steps, and mutter something about Zam that was not very nice.  
  
"So, Jango," Alee said, breaking the silence before Torie could start laughing. "Did you get all of the stuff to fix the Slave I?"  
  
Jango stopped in his tracks. "Damn! I knew I was forgetting something! I totally forgot. I was supposed to pick them up from this guy over an hour ago."  
  
"Wanna go see if we can still get them?" Torie suggested.  
  
"Sure. Why not?" Jango replied.  
  
After walking for a while, they came to a stop outside of a rather decrepit looking building. The sign, which looked as if it were once lit up many centuries ago, read "Palo's Parts".  
  
"Geez, you get your parts here?" Alee said, wrinkling her nose. "No wonder the Slave I looks like a piece of junk."  
  
Jango turned and glared at her. He was about to say something when a faint squeaky voice was heard.  
  
"Who's there?" It asked.  
  
"Hello, Palo," Jango said. "Remember me? We spoke in Mos Eisley."  
  
Palo opened up a window in the door. A rather short window, as Palo was only about four feet tall. In fact, he made Torie look like a giant. (Author ducks as Torie shouts "Hey!" and throws her shoe at author's head.)  
  
Palo looked at Jango for a moment, thinking. "Oh, yes!" he said. "Now I remember. The man in the Mandalorian armor. Parts for a Firespray ship, right?"  
  
Jango nodded.  
  
"Well, I'm sorry. You'll have to come back tomorrow. The shop closed an hour ago. You need to learn the meaning of the word 'punctual', buddy."  
  
It sounded funny hearing a four foot tall little person talking trash to a rather tall six-foot bounty hunter who was wearing armor and many various weapons.  
  
"Now, you listen here, shorty..." Jango began, but was stopped when the window slammed on his finger, which he had been pointing threateningly at Palo.  
  
"Son of a bantha!" Jango cried, sticking his wounded finger in his mouth.  
  
Alicia rolled her eyes and knocked on the door. The short window opened again.  
  
"Oh, you people again. I said to come back tomorrow, and that's what I meant," he said, about to close the window again.  
  
Alicia stuck her hand through the window and held it open.  
  
"Listen, midget boy," Alicia said, "you see that guy whose finger you just broke?"  
  
Palo nodded.  
  
"He's Jango Fett, savvy?" Alicia said, doing a perfect Jack Sparrow from Pirates of the Caribbean impression.  
  
Palo's eyes opened wide. "Jango Fett? You mean, the most notorious bounty hunter in the universe?"  
  
"Yep," Alicia replied.  
  
"And now he's not so happy with you, Palo," Alee added.  
  
"And trust me, it's not a good thing to have a bounty hunter mad at you," Torie said, remembering the whole Jaster Mereel insult thing.  
  
Palo gulped, then opened up his door. Running over to Jango, he collapsed to his knees.  
  
"Oh, please, sir, don't kill me! I didn't know it was you, sir! What can I do to make up for my rudeness?" Palo pleaded.  
  
"You could give us our parts for free," Alicia suggested.  
  
"Oh, of course! Please, come into my shop. I'll get your parts in no time!" Palo agreed, jumping up and running into his store.  
  
Ten minutes later, the four were leaving Palo's shop, riding with their parts on a landspeeder that Palo had been so generous to give them.  
  
Alicia looked at Jango and cleared her throat, obviously expecting Jango to say something to her.  
  
Jango heard her, but didn't turn to face her, which was a good thing, because he was driving.  
  
"Well, erm, girls, okay, Alicia, thanks for helping me out back there. That was good thinking," he said.  
  
Alicia smiled. "You're quite welcome, Jango."  
  
Once the four reached the Slave I, the girls went to hang out in the cockpit while Jango went to take the parts to the repair room.  
  
Alee looked at her friends. "Well, that was quite interesting, wasn't it?"  
  
"Yep, sure was," Torie agreed.  
  
Alicia stared at her friends, dumbfounded. "You guys call starting a bar fight, then getting kidnapped by a man who fancies children interesting?"  
  
"Think of it this way, Alicia," Alee explained, "how many people get to say that they did this without being on some illegal substance?"  
  
"Good point," Alicia replied.  
  
Just then, a voice was heard from somewhere else in the ship.  
  
"Um, guys? This game's not fun anymore! Can I get out of here, please?"  
  
"Boba!" All three girls exclaimed, slapping their hands to their foreheads.  
  
"I totally forgot that he was down there!" Alicia admitted.  
  
"Well, if we hurry, maybe we can get down to him before Jango finds out," Alee suggested.  
  
The three hurried to the door, but were stopped when they heard Jango shout, "Girls, get down here now!"  
  
All three girls grimaced, then said "Oh, crapity crap crap." 


	10. Punishment for Boba Torturing

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars, Jango Fett, Boba Fett, Alee, Torie, and now that I have been sold on E Bay, I do not own Alicia. Yep, right now, I've been enslaved by my owner, confined to a little room with only a crappy computer to keep me company. So, enough of my problems. Read on.

Wait, I knew I was forgetting something! I do not own _O! Brother Where Art Thou? _or the Soggy Bottom Boys. That will make sense later on.

Chapter 10

Reluctantly, the three went down to the repair room where Jango was standing next to a rather crispy looking Boba.

Jango looked furious. "You three explain yourselves, now!"

Alicia, Alee, and Torie exchanged worried looks.

"Would you believe us if we said that we were playing an innocent game and forgot Boba was down there?" Alee said.

Jango frowned and pointed at a tiny video monitor in the wall. He pushed a button and the lovely shock game they had been playing with Boba was replayed on the screen, obviously caught by a security camera.

"As punishment…" Jango began, but was cut off by Torie.

"As what?" she asked.

"Punishment, Torie," Jango replied, then continued. "You three will have to install all of these parts." He handed Alicia a book that put the one volume combination of the Lord of the Rings trilogy to shame in terms of thickness. "This is a manual that will show you where everything goes."

He then turned and left, with Boba trailing behind him.

The three girls' mouths were open in disbelief. Alee and Torie looked over at Alicia, who said, "Hey, don't look at me. You two started it."

Alee and Torie nodded, and the three began working.

After a few minutes, Alicia started humming a tune that sounded rather familiar to Alee.

"_I am the_…er… _girl of constant sorrow, I've seen trouble all my days…_" Alee sang. (For those of you who don't know, this is from _O! Brother Where Art Thou?_. If you haven't seen it, you should. It's absolutely hysterical, even if you aren't a redneck hillbilly.)

"_I bid farewell to ol' Kentucky, the place where I was born and raised_," Alicia continued.

"_The place where she was born and raised,_" Alee and Torie chorused.

"Hold up a sec, Alicia," Torie interrupted. "Wouldn't it be '_I bid farewell to ol' Arizona, the place where I was born and raised_?"

"Well, fine, Torie. Have it your way," Alicia replied. _"I bid farewell to ol' Arizona, the place where I was born and raised_."

Torie smiled and joined Alee in repeating, "_The place where she was born and raised_."

And so it continued, the girls installing parts while singing songs to _O! Brother Where Art Thou?._

Before they knew it, they were done.

"Well, I guess we should go and tell Jango that we're done," Alicia said.

"No, wait!" Alee said. "Torie and I need to show you something."

Torie and Alee each pulled a vial of clear liquid out of their pockets.

"What's that?" Alicia asked.

"Payback in a bottle," Alee replied.

This peaked Alicia's interest, and she listened to their plan.

When they finished, Alicia laughed evilly. "What a great thing to find in the Cantina! I wish I could use that stuff on some people back home."

Alee and Torie had obtained the vials from a man in the Cantina. Sure, it cost them most of the few credits that they had left, but it was worth it. Once a person had some of the clear liquid, they would do whatever you wanted them to do. Anything you wanted them to do. And the best part was, the next day, after it had worn off, the drugged person wouldn't remember a thing that they had done. They would just have a horrible hangover.

The three girls planned on drugging Jango and Boba, to get them back for some of the injustices that the Fetts had done to the girls.

After Alicia was so kind as to get Boba drinks, which they took without suspecting a thing, their plan was underway.

When Jango and Boba started acting loopy (more than usual, of course) Alicia suggested that Jango put the ship on autopilot. He did it without question.

All three girls laughed evilly.

"Oh, boys?" Torie said. "Do you want to play some games?"

"Ooh, is it gonna be 'musical cages' again?" Boba asked eagerly.

"No, Boba. These games are going to be more fun," Alicia replied sweetly.

"Can Dad play, too?" Boba asked.

"Of course, he can play," Alee said.

"If he wants to, that is," Torie added.

"Damn right I want to play!" Jango shouted in a slightly slurred voice.

So, a few minutes later, the girls and the Fetts were down in the cargo hold, ready to play their game.


	11. Game in the Cargo Hold

Disclaimer: Sorry about the very long wait for an update. I had a huge case of writer's block, and then I couldn't figure out how to write something… Anyway, here's the next chapter. It's kinda short.

Oh, and sandra, never fear! Mace Windu only got shot. I never wrote the word "dead". Perhaps we shall see him again… And that little "Jango Fett sucks" thing, I'm just gonna pretend I didn't hear that…

Chapter 11

In the cargo hold of the ship, the game was set up and ready to play. All of the things involved just happened to be lying around when the three girls were looking around, and they were inspired. One such thing was the white tarp that was laid out on the ground. It had large, different colored dots on it. Once the girls saw it, they were immediately reminded of a popular Earth game.

Alicia turned to Jango and Boba. "Okay," she said. "I'll tell you how we're going to play this game. It's a game that's played on our planet all the time."

"And it's called "Twister"!" Torie added excitedly.

"Yeah, what she said." Alicia muttered, rolling her eyes. "I normally don't like this game, but with you two thrown into the mix, especially Jango…" She trailed off, obviously coming up with some perverted situation in her head.

"Hey, Alicia? Back to the game?" Alee said, tapping Alicia on the shoulder.

"Oh, yeah, sorry about that." Alicia said quickly, pausing to look at Jango deeply. "That would be fun…" She whispered.

"What! Ahhhh, Alicia, no!" Torie screamed.

"I said, 'This game will be a lot of fun. Good, clean, family fun.'" Alicia said innocently, looking at Torie as if she were insane for thinking she had said something else.

"Sure. That's really what you said." Alee and Torie chorused.

Smirking at her own mental images, Alicia ignored them. "Anyway, back to the game. Here's how you play…"

After explaining the rules to Jango and Boba five times (Alicia's defense had been "Hey, they're drunk and drugged. That's to be expected.") _Twister Star Wars Edition _was all set.

Half an hour later, the cargo hold of the Slave I was filled with laughter, mostly from Alicia. Why, you may be wondering? Well, she just happened to be pinned directly underneath Jango and was enjoying the situation very much. A little too much for Torie and Alee, actually. They looked at each other, walked over to Alicia and Jango, and pushed Jango over. His head hit the floor with a very loud, sickening _thunk_.

Alicia jumped up immediately and ran to Jango's side. "Are you okay?" she asked, looking very concerned. Before he could answer, she turned on her friends, screaming. "What the hell is wrong with you guys? You could have given him a concussion or something!"

"Hey, he's got to have a hard head anyway!" Torie shouted. "You saw how he's always smacking his head on the ceiling!"

"And besides," Alee said, "aren't you still mad at him for his little 'you remind me of Zam' comment?"

Alicia pondered this for a moment, then shrugged in defeat. "True," she said. "I almost forgot about that." She turned and glared at Jango. "You!" she commanded. "Go to the cockpit and wait for me there."

Jango opened his mouth to protest, but Alicia cut him off. "Just go…now!"

"Right. As you wish, Alicia," he said obediently. As he walked off to the cockpit, all three girls raised their eyebrows (most likely for different reasons). Alicia followed, a wide smile on her face.

After a few seconds, her head popped back around the corner.

"Umm, guys? I was wondering, do you happen to have any more of that drugging stuff?" she asked, trying to look innocent.

Torie pulled out her vial, which was still half full (or half-empty, depending on you looked at it). "Sure," she said, "I have this. But you shouldn't need…"

"Oh, just in case it wears off while I'm…" Alicia stopped herself quickly, and then added. "While I'm _interrogating _Jango." She smiled widely, while Torie and Alee exchanged glances.

"But, err, could I ask you guys to stay away from the cockpit for a while? I don't want Jango to be distracted…while I'm interrogating him." And she disappeared quickly around the corner.


End file.
